The Bonds That Bind Us
by angelsgal
Summary: Sometimes letting someone go can hurt you more than you think
1. Default Chapter

It was raining in Sunnydale, not uncommon for a California winter but on this raining night there seemed an atmosphere of great despair and lost hope… Some one had given up, and she was the last person you would want to give up...

Because she is the slayer, the one girl in all the world chosen to protect everyone from all things that go bump in the night. She is our lone protector, our one woman army, our only protection from the very bowls of hell… And tonight she has fallen…

Buffy the Vampire Slayer lay in an alley, the famed alley that had unleashed Angelus on her seventeenth birthday, struck down but not dead.

Today is her birthday, today was the day she was to tell her one true love a very important secret, today she found he had a secret of his own..

"Angel Investigations." Came a female voice over the phone.

"Yes, can I speak with Angel?" Buffy asked.

"Is this Buffy?"

"Yes…"

"Oh my God, Buffy it's been so long. It's Cordelia! Oh Angel's here hun, but he's not available. He's making reservations for us at a new restaurant in town because I was complaining that we never go out together anymore since we have started dating." Cordelia said with a sneer.

Buffy felt like the air had been knocked out of her, she couldn't believe her ears. "Well ok, just forget I called. Oh and congrats Cordy, I hope you two are happy." She croaked

"Oh we are."

And that's how she had found out, she had lost him, completely. What good was her secret if he already knew? So she went about her day, plastering a fake smile for Willow and Xander while they sung her happy birthday, opening her gifts with pretend happiness, all the while thinking about Angel.

Finally when the sun had set she told them she needed to patrol, which she did, but what she didn't tell them is that she didn't plan on coming home.

What was the point anymore? Home just means more pain. Her life was just one big angst marathon. She'd save the world, get something taken away or more pain just added, cry her eyes out, do what she'd have to and save the world again. No breaks, no happy endings, nothing for her.

So she went out to search for a fight, a fight with a demon, a fight she would lose.

She found her demon, vampire, well vampires. About eight had cornered her in that alley, behind the Bronze, next to Angel's old apartment. She had fought half heartedly, making clumsy amateur mistakes, she almost laughed when she pictured what Giles would say. She was basking in the landed blows made by her opponents, each brining her to that, hopefully final, death. One which CPR, prophecies, or witch friends couldn't bring her back from.

And finally when they were standing over her, gloating at their luck of defeating The slayer, they sniffed her twice, looked up and ran away.

And that's how we began, our slayer, fallen. And what's a slayer to do when she seemingly cant die?

She started to cry.

Not even the Powers That Be would grant a break, not the simple gift of death. That's when she heard it.

The steady clunk of commando boots, she smelt the cheap cigarettes and saw the peroxide king himself.

Spike

Spike POV

I had been following the lil' bit all day,I could smell the grief coming off her in waves, wasn't right on her. Today was supposed to be a good day, her birthday or something or another, a day when she shouldn't have anything go wrong, well then again her birthdays always did seem to be cursed.

The bloody Slayer threw herself into a fight that she didn't want to win, and I didn't interfere of course, until I knew she would have been done for if I hadn't.

Oh they paused when they saw she was marked, a few even back off when they felt it was by a master, Angel to be exact, lucky them. I just 'persuaded' the others to leave quietly…

Oh the Slayer has been done up but good, curled into a tight ball with tears running down her bloodied face. Now I knew something must have been horrible to make her want a death so bad, I knew it could be only one bloody thing.

Angel.

Sure it could be her friends or maybe her goldfish died, but she could have handled that. She would grieve, yes, find a way to right it like revenge, yes, but ask for death? No.

You only ask for death when you lose part or all of your soul. Once again Angel has fucked up the family. Oh the 'family' part? She's Angels mate. Hell even Dru calls her 'mummy' now. How else would I know to follow her, lil' Dru can talk to the stars.

I carefully pick her up, wrapping her in my jacket. I can smell death on her, she's entirely too skinny, so it already has begun. She's dieing and she knows it and if the bloody Poof doesn't come back she'll waste away in a matter of weeks, months if we're lucky. And, well, we're not looking lucky.

She may not know it but I know her secret. Bedding a physic really doesn't leave you in the dark about much of anything.

I know she went to the powers after she couldn't bring Faith in to cure Angel.

I know she was given a choice with a big consequence.

I know when she gave the Poof her blood that she bound his soul.

But as with any great gift to give there it always the catch. To bind his soul, she bound her life to his. Add that up boys and girls and that means she also gave up her mortality. An eternal slayer she became for the powers. But, and yes this is a big but, he needed to stick around to make sure that their bond wasn't strained.

Well as we all now know, she let it slip her mind to tell him.

And he left her to go and fight the good fight in L.A. so she could have a "normal life". And in doing this he has all but torn his bond with her to shreds. She has been losing everything bit by bit everyday.

Two months ago, eight vamps would have barely fazed her. She defeated the mayor, Angelus, and a hell god. But something today speeded up the deterioration process.

As I lay her down in the master suite in the mansion Drusilla find it time to say her bit that is going to make my un-life a lot harder.

"You have to bring him back."


	2. chapter 2

Buffy's POV

Love, it makes you do the wacky. And well I did a major 'wacky'. My secret, oh yes, my grand secret that I was supposed to tell Angel today on my twentieth birthday.

He was so sick, on his death bed really. The only thing that could save him was me, the blood of a slayer. Yes, I knew Faith is a slayer too, but I knew as soon as they told me that I was the one he was going to take. As I watched Faith fall to her supposed death it all just clicked, I needed help.

Most would argue that I didn't know who the PTB were, well then most failed to see how often I hit Giles' books. In just about every one of them they mentioned them in one way or another, after a while I put two and two together and realized they pretty much ruled this plane. Hey I'm blond but I'm not oblivious.

So I went to willies bar and got my information, quickly, Angel wasn't exactly vacationing in his death bed.

And when I arrived I can't say they were surprised to see me…

"Welcome warrior, did you bring us a gift?" The Male asked the stricter of the two blue beings.

"Gift, gift?! You should feel lucky that I didn't bring you the gift of death!" I screamed. I was running against the clock, I was a little emotional.

"How dare-"

"Brother, lets listen to our little slayer, she did come with a purpose, did you not?" The Female asked. I always will like her.

"Yes, Angel is dieing and I want to make sure that if I give him my blood that it will heal him." I paused. "And I believe I am past due for a gift of my own."

"You, a lower being, demand a gift?!" The Male shouted

"Go on…Oh and the blood will work." The Female said while shushing her brother. Yeah I really like her.

"I want his soul bound. You and I both know that Angelus isn't playing on our side, another appearance by him could be devastating. The reason being is I refuse to fight and/or kill him again. It just wont happen." I stated firmly

The both looked grave, for a minute I was afraid they were going to throw me out. Then they stepped forward.

" Yes we both know this, but this gift doesn't come without a consequence." The Male said.

"Yes a big consequence, there are certain, terms, you must agree to before we even decide to grant you this large gift." The Female said.

"Whatever they are I agree." I said without a second breath.

"Wait there lower being, we must warn you they are great, and could be harmful to your life if the circumstances are in place." The Male said.

"Alright you have my attention glowy one." Yup I still was a witty bitch.

"When binding his soul you must do it through your life's essence. Your blood will anchor his soul and you life to him." The Female paused. "You will no longer be mortal because for this gift you must give us a gift in return."

"Yes you will be in our services indefinitely; you will be our Immortal Slayer Champion, an eternal slayer. You will watch your friends and family die and you will live on." The Male stated.

I paused, well this was a biggie. I would be the last slayer, the one girl in all the world chosen to save humanity…forever.

"And as I have already said, you will be bound to him. You must not strain this connection or your life will quickly deteriorate and you will perish."

And this is where I nearly fell down. Angel and I would be bound to each other, as in my life depending on his proximity. This was big because he had dumped me in the gawd damn sewer not a week ago. But this was for him, I could survive right?

"I accept" That's when they hit me with a glowing ball of light. And then I was outside the mansion.

He drank the blood after some persuading and he got better. We fought the mayor and his Ascension and won and I didn't tell him. He left not knowing.

Why didn't I tell him?

That's 64 million dollar question. The reason behind this apparent madness is because I wanted him to stay because he wanted to. Not because he owed me or felt that the only reason I got his soul was a last ditch effort to make him bound to me so therefore bound to stay in Sunnydale.

So I watched him walk away from the fight, walk away from me, and walk away from us. While all the while I held his secret.

I swore to keep it until I would notice the deterioration. Until I thought he had spent enough time away and then I would drag his sorry ass back here to be together again.

Well he's moved on, with Cordelia no less. So I'll wait, possibly die, sorry powers but you drew a wild card.

And Spike lays me, here with my 'family'. Oh I don't hate them for once being my enemies, every family has some kind of dysfunction, we all kind of came together after Angel left. They explained to me what he had done. Marked me as his mate, weird huh? And he still left, the bastard. Since then all three of us have become closer, Dru calls me mummy and Spike I can feel follow me when I slay.

I can feel Spike's intense glare over my form and Dru's cool cloth cleaning my wounds. They are speaking unspoken words when I realize it. They know, they have known, my secret. I nearly flinch when I hear it and want to scream out 'no' when she finally verbally says what Spike needs to do but the blackness takes over before I can speak.

"You have to bring him back"


	3. chapter 3

Spike arrived in Los Angeles after Dru practically threw him out of the mansion.

"_Mummy needs help Spikey, Daddy needs to come home. The Family is dieing."_

He knew this, but that didn't mean he was looking forward to dragging his sorry ass sire all the way back to Sunnydale.

But for once the family needed _him_.

Which is the exact reason he was standing outside this oversized roach house trying to get his bearings before going in, this wasn't about him anymore Buffy's life was now on the line.

Ten seconds later the snarling Childe of Angelus burst through the double doors of the Hyperion to find his Sire on the floor which the 'Fang Gang' surrounding him.

"Oh Baby are you alright?" Cordelia cooed to Angel while running her fingers through his hair.

"Oh bloody hell, he's not dust he'll be fine." Spike sighed in frustration.

"What do you want Spike?" asked Angel woozily.

"Other than to kick your ass until next apocalypse?" Spike chuckled. "I just came here to make you aware of something but it seems that you might be feeling the effects already."

"Well Spike cant this wait? My Angel just collapsed in the middle of the lobby and we have no idea why." Cordelia whined as Fred and Gunn nodded in unison.

Spikes eyes widened and then narrowed with realization. "_Your_ Angel? YOUR ANGEL! Oh bloody perfect, you fuckin' imbecile, you don't deserve _her_, not the air _she_ breathes or the ground _she_ walks on. You left your family to shag princess here while _she_ does the noble thing and now _she's _ dieing because of you."

Angel's eyes got wide and scared when he understood which _she_ Spike was referring to. Buffy.

"You can feel it too and you're just going to let it happen. You're no better than anyone else that's already abandon her-her friends, her watcher, her mother, her father. Hell at this point I'm willing to be Angelus is better for her right now, at least he loved her!" Spike bellowed while Angel flinched, the words almost physically hurting him.

Cordelia's mouth dropped. "Spike get the hell out of my hotel! Did you come here because poor Slutty is in trouble again? Don't you get it he left, she's not his responsibility anymore. She's the Slayer tell her to deal." She spat.

"You just don't get it, she may be The Slayer but she can only survive so much, especially after so much she's lost, so much she's given. She's finally broken, she's fought so much saved your asses so many times, helped so many and now she's finally given up." Spike paused. "She's gone, she's dieing."

Angel nearly collapsed in the lobby chair, he didn't know what to say. What could he say?

"Alright vampire, time for you to leave" Gunn declared while trying to push spike out of the door.

"I'm not leaving until he explains to me why he wont help his dieing mate, Buffy!" The vampire roared.

"Buffy? Short blonde, powerful and a hell of a roundhouse kick?" Gunn questioned

"Yeah and My Sire's bloody mate, didn't I just say that. Are all you deaf?"

"So what can we do to help?" Gunn asked lowering his weapon and shaking Spike's hand to everyone's utter amazement. "What? The girl saved my life, I owe her."

"You all bloody owe her, especially you" Spike said pointing to Angel. "Right now she's lying in a bed while Dru watches over here waiting for me to bring him back. Oh don't think she wants you there but she sure as hell needs you."

"Well Little Miss-saves-the-world doesn't need to upset him again, I don't need her breaking our Kyruption" (Authors note: I am so sorry if I butchered that word) Cordelia whined and clutched onto Angel who visibly flinched and was about to say something when Spike burst into a fit of laughter

"Queen C, the girl who would berated Buffy everyday for her bloody fashion sense even when she was saving the world, you a champion? Sorry but that's just a bit of a stretch" Spike chuckled.

"W-well she gets visions." Fred said meekly.

"Alright mate, so did the great vision champion see what was going to happen to Buffy?" Spike asked.

Cordelia pretended to be very interested in her shoes when Angel's head shot up, then she chuckled weakly in his direction.

"I thought she could handle the stupid vampires, how was I supposed to know that she wanted to die after I told her about me and my Angel." She whimpered and did some type of puppy dog eyes to Angel.

Angel growled " What the hell Cordelia- You knew! You knew she was going to get hurt? And told her about us? What us!"

" Well, looks like the champion isn't so noble…" Spike growled in frustration.

"Well my peroxide friend She isn't." Whistler said entering the hotel. "And I'm surprised none of you ever saw that. Hello there alley rat." Whistler said to Angel while tipping his hat.

"Whistler" Angel grumbled, today wasn't his day and he was itching to get back to a certain blonde.

"Now, now Angel it's not your fault you were tricked to believe this girl was some kind of warrior let alone champion." Whistler said and glared at Cordelia when she tried to speak up but it didn't work.

"Now wait just a damn minute. I AM A CHAMPION. I'm sick of you two no-bodies coming in here and tell me I'm not. I get headaches, I chip nails and I lose precious beauty sleep." She screeched.

"Whoa now little hussy, I have some down here, via the PTB, to just two things. One is this." Whistler took out an orb from his jacket and let it float over to Cordelia, a ball of light came from Cordelia's head and into the ball. " You weren't meant to have that, Doyle was a little love struck thinking you could handle such power without corrupting them."

Cordelia then screamed in frustration and turned an unflattering shade of red.

"Now for you alley rat." Whistler said calmly walking to Angel, the ball following him and getting bigger. "Like your over dyed Childe said Buffy is dieing" The orb expanded and flattened showing Buffy at the mansion being taken care by Dru. "…and as the powers we can only advise you to go and help her. If you don't she will die a slow and agonizing death ,because your mates bond is so tattered ,over the next few weeks."

Angel looked puzzled. "How is the mates bond.."

"What you didn't think this mates bond thing mattered? Alright here's a little inside info, Buffy is the _last_ slayer. You made her life eternal. Now before you go all introverted and broody she chose this so your soul would be bound, but then again she thought she was going to be with you forever, that's the whole point right?" At whistlers last words left his mouth Angel nearly cried the words stung him deep. "And as much as you like to deny it she is your soul mate, who else can you lose a soul too? She's been calling to you for weeks… have you been too busy or just ignoring her?" Whistler scowled.

"I just wanted to give her a normal life, a chance to be happy and live in the light." He nearly chocked.

"Normal? Normal! You really are a fuckin' poof. Did all that hair gel contaminate you head? Buffy is the vampire slayer, you know 'the one girl in all the world'. She slays demons, lives in the darkness and saves the world, is that normal? She wouldn't be able to ever find someone who could understand that, to still love her and not call her crazy. Here the thing too Poof, she doesn't want to find someone else she loves you, only you and what do you do while she practically, no excuse me, literally dieing over you? You go and hook up with her rival. What about Cordelia and normal?" Spike growled and clutched and unclenched his hands.

"Wow, sounds like this blonde is your real Kyruption (AN: sorry again) go to her" Lorne said.

"I'm already gone." Angel said grabbing his coat.

Spike smiled, whistler let out a breath and Cordelia screamed.

"He's mine damn it!"


End file.
